[nemo]

hi im normally a bubbly happy person but i am pregnant with my first, im 11 weeks, and i am petrified of giving birth. i told my midwife the other day and she just laughed. i am seriously scared of it. im the kind of person who plans everything, makes lists of things to do all the time etc and so the thought of not being in control and not knowing what is going on terrifies me. i've been having nightmares since i found out i was pregnant and i keep crying about it. also the thought of possibly being torn makes my stomach churn. i was wondering is it possible to have an elective cesarean without a medical reason? and has anyone else felt like this? none of my family know yet so other than my partner i didnt know where to go with this.
sorry for the rant, i'll make my next post full of happy shiney things xx