jokes

[becky]

any1 got any good jokes?

[becky]

There were Two guys at a bar. They were making small talk and realized a couple of interesting things.. this is how their conversation went.
Guy 1: Yah..I'm originally from Dublin, Ireland
Guy 2: REally?! Me too!
Guy 1: I went to O'Malley Highschool.
Guy 2 : I did too! What year did you graduate?
Guy 1: 1988!
guy 2: Same here!

A guy sitting next to them was amazed how they grew up together and didnt know it. He asked the bar tender, who was friends with both of them if the two irish guys knew eachother.
The bar tender replied, " Yeah. It looks like the Donohue Twins are drunk again

[becky]

A physically large guy meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place.

As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of Dynamite!"

She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to leave?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

[becky]

A man walks into a pub with a neck brace around his neck. He asks for a pint. The bartender gives him one.

Then the man asks, "Who's in the lounge?"

The bartender replies. "15 people playing darts."

The man says, "Get them a pint too."

Then he asks, "Who's upstairs?"

The bartender replies, "150 people at the disco."

The man says, "Get them a drink too."

The bartender says, "That will be $328 please."

The man says, "Sorry but I haven't got that much money on me."

The bartender says, "If you were at the pub a mile from here, they would of broke your neck."

The man says, "I've all ready been there."

[becky]

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one..

"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."

"I got it from my genie."

"You have a genie?" he asked.

"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."

"Could I see him?"

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.

The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere.

The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"

[becky]

One day, this guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

"What's the matter?" the bartender asks.

"My wife and I got into a fight," explained the guy "and now she isn't talking to me for a whole 31 days."

The bartender thought about this for a while. "But, isn't it a good thing that she isn't talking to you?" asked the bartender.

" Yeah, except today is the last night.

[petrabynt]

mad mary was speeding around the mental home as usual, in her wheelchair
mad joe stopped her and asked for her licence
'sh**t' she said, and speeded off around another corner
mad jim then stopped her, and asked for her insurance
'bo***cks', she said, and took off again at great speed
rounding another corner she met big john! standing ther stark naked with a massive erection
'oh no!!!' she said
'not the breathaliser again!!!!!!!'

[ohsofair]

Two dwafs pull two girls and take them home,1st dwarf cant get it up & to make matters worse all night he can hear the 2nd dwarf saying
1,2,3 uuh..the next morning the 1st dwarf says to the 2nd dwarf "how embarrasing i couldnt get an erection" the 2nd dwarf says "you think thats bad i couldnt even get on the f**kin bed. ha ha

what do you think? i thought this was really funny

[pinkydinkydo]

very good hun!!!

[c.a.cullum]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-
shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to
me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...