txt message

clare bear · #1 10-08-2007, 09:17 PM

heres a few txts my mate sent me.

it was xmas and the blonde wife was waiting 4 the binmen 2 pull up. 1 by 1 she shagged them,finally it was the drivers turn,she gave him £20 instead.disopointed he asked whats this 4 ? 4 xmas she replied"my husband said give the driver £20 and **** the rest of um"

a man staggers in 2 a and e with multiple bruises, 2 black eyes and a 5 iron wrapped round his throat.doctor asked what happened 2 u. well i was playing golf with my wife,when she sliced the ball in 2 a field of cows. i found the ball stuck in a cows fanny. i yelled 2 my wife this looks like urs. i dont remember much after that.

ThatGirl · #2 10-08-2007, 09:36 PM

Bubbles19 · #3 10-09-2007, 11:28 AM

they are gd lol

clare bear · #4 10-09-2007, 03:56 PM

irishman goes 4 iq test and is asked 2 put the word CONTAGEOUS in to a sentance.paddy replies i asked my mate to dig a hole and it took the cuntageous !!!!!

after great sex a mans thai girlfriend lies stroking his cock. he asks do u want mare sex? no she replies im just admiring your cock,coz i really miss mine !!!!!!

CoNFuSeD24 · #5 10-09-2007, 05:57 PM

lol those are funny.

emerald-babe31 · #6 10-11-2007, 12:18 PM

pmsl here one for ya

Man walks into a bar and see a nice bit of stuff sittin there..
goin over he ask her " can I buy u a drink"
she replies "yes wots ur name"
to which he says "Bond"
"wot james bond" she says
"no, unibond so I can fill ur crack lmao

now if tht dont make u laugh I dont no wot will haha

clare bear · #7 10-11-2007, 08:13 PM

good one chic pmsl. a farmer in devon has successfully grown a field of dildos. unfortunately hes havin a problem with squatters.

2 old ladies sittin in a cafe.Ethal ses 2 Doris "did u come on the bus ?"
Doris replies "yes but i made it look like an asthma attack"

emerald-babe31 · #8 10-12-2007, 07:31 PM

Fred and Marys secret code 4 sex.. washing machine..
1 nite fred said washing machine.. marys says 2 tired.. 10 mins later mary says washing machine... fred said.. 2 l8 dear it was a small load so done it by hand !!!

lmao

clare bear · #9 10-13-2007, 04:52 PM

lol

skinny white man goes in to a life and looks at a huge black man who says before you ask 7ft tall,350lbs,20inch dick and my balls weigh3lb each. turner brown. the white guy faints, when he comes to he asks the black man to say that again. black man repeats his stats,and sez,my names turner brown.thank **** for that sez the white man,i thought you said turn around.

Sammy-mummy-to-Jake · #10 10-15-2007, 09:56 AM