 am i wrong? | |
i lost someone along time ago. i was 15 years old. i hung around in a crowd and there was one guy, (there always is one you fall for in a crowd) we were sleeping together for 1 month when i found out that i was pregnant. i was still at school, he was 18 with no prospects in life, he gambled all the time, that was his life.
when i found out i was pregnant i knew immediately what i had to do. there and then the doctor made my hospital appointment. i didnt want to do it but mums always warn their daughters with phrases like;
'if you came home pregnant to me i would brain you.'
but the ones that really hurt are the ones when a mum shows she really cares and knows her daughter like;
'you wouldnt do that would you? your not daft.'
and you dont want them to think any different of their precious princess. i couldnt tell her. my mum i mean, she didnt know. the only people who knew was my closest friend and obviously my partner. another reason was, we were sleeping together for a month. ONE MONTH!
i didnt know what would happen. he didnt even want his friends knowing we were secretly together.
at school i asked my head teacher who was a lovely man, if i could speak to him in private. we spoke and i told him why i would be leaving school early or coming in late. he was very supportive with me.
its law that scholls and things must keep it confidential from your parents.
my first appointment was to see which kind of procedure i would like them to use. theres the pessary which is the one i chose or you can go under the knife, which can make you infertile forever. i didnt even want to chance that.
they just asked me for details like my name and things so they knew who they were dealing with.
my second appointment which was 2 days later was to take two tablets orally. this started things moving without you even knowing. there was no pain at all. my headteacher drove me to this appointment as it was during school time and he could take me back to school before it ended so it would look like i had been there the whole time.
the third, final and worse day of my life was the actual removal of my baby. my baby, the one which i had dreamed of having since i was 5 years old playing with dollys and pretending i was the greatest mum in the whole world. the baby i wanted to call my own, name myself and hold close to my heart and teach to call me mummy.
i arrived at the hospital at 8:30am, straight away the nurs took me into a small medical room and inserted 3 tablets into me. one in the fron and two in the back. that was it. done
i went into the waiting area were there was several people sat there also, i didnt know what they wrere there for, but they were there none of he less, am hour or two later i started to feel what was like period pains, period pains i had never felt before, they were constant.
everytime i went to the tiolet i had to insert a cardboard like sick bowl what hospitals have into the toilet and anything that came out had to be handed to the nurse. i begged the nurse for pain killers which, by the way she was supposed to give out every two hours. i had been there for 4 hours and was in terrible pain.
i was on my own, not out of choice, i had people who voluntered to come with me but i couldnt bare people to know what i had done and what pain i went through to do it.
i cant go on anymore. the next bits are the ones i wish i could forget.  | 
Linear Mode
