Help Needed ...I Dnt Wnt 2 Let My Childs Dads Family In X

[X-Jus-Anuva-Yung-Mum-X]

Hi all, this is a bit long, but hopefully someone on here can help me. My mum was killed by my dad when I was eight & along with my five other siblings I was put into care. Since then I have grown up in numerous foster homes & childrens homes & have got used to looking after myself & making my own decisions. Although I stayed in touch with all my family & they have tried to be there, since my mum died I've found it hard to trust anyone & so have the tendency to keep people at arms length. Nobody really knows the real me, (not even my so called family) except for my partner but now that where having a child his family (& I mean the whole family not just his mum & dad) are trying to get close to me. The only thing is I don't want this, I don't like people close because I always end up getting hurt & apart from my mum my partner is the only other person who've I've allowed to do so. This is getting to my partner though as all of his family are tight knitted & tell eachother everything & I'm talking, mum, dad, aunties, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, EVERYONE, an he wants myself and our child to be part of that. However I'd prefer the occasional visit & the occasional phone call, because thats all I've ever been used to, instead of the everyday phone calls & the WHOLE family sunday lunch every week. Am I being selfish? An how do I resolve this with my partner before this splits us apart?...

[Newt]

its a very hard one to call hun, although I have not gone through what you have gone through my partner has a very close family where as I do not and cut my family out of my life a few years back for many varying reasons, I do find it quite frustrating and even though he tries to understand why I choose not to have a family he cant really do the sums about it in his head but he does respect how I feel though. The only thing I can advise is the age old talking it through and trying to come to some compromise until you maybe feel comfortable or at least come to terms and cope with this new situation.....if you and your partner have love, honesty and respect for each other he will understand and work with you on this. I hope some of the other girls on here can give you some good advice too ··¤(¯`×(`¤.HuGs.¤´).×´¯)¤··

[X-Jus-Anuva-Yung-Mum-X]

Thanks & Yeah Trust Me We've Tried That, But His Reply Is Always, "My Family Isn't Your Family", But As Far As I'm Concerned I Don't Care How 'Perfect' He Thinks His Family Is Theres No Way Either Me Or My Child Are Getting Attached (To A Certain Extent Anyway). I Mean I Don't Want To Sound Like A Bitch Because I Would Never Totally Block Them Out, Especially Out Of My Sons Life, As At The End Of The Day It Is His Family, But I Just Don't Want To Give Everything & Start Depending On Something Or People That I Know Within The Blink Of An Eye Can Disappoint Or Hurt Me. I Don't Know Maybe Over Time It Will Just Have To Work Itself Out, But For Now I'm Keeping My Distance, Thanks Anyway, Much Appreciated x

[Newt]

Your so very welcome hun...but life does have to evolve at some point, if we are to go on, even if we don't want it too ~ take care of you

[happyhappylady]

you must have some incredibly painful memories, I'm so sorry you went through all of that. The problem is though it will not be good for your little boy to grow up with a deep-rooted distrust of everyone as this could be damaging to him in later life. Have you ever had couselling? it could help. Would it be possible for him to tell his family that you were raised in care (without going into details) and you need some space? He must be very special if you can trust him after all you've been through, and it would be very sad if you split over this.