i think it is dead

[dottydon]

hi i have been with my other half for 10 yrs now and it has been mostly good but the last couple of yrs have been shit.
he doesn't hit me or beat me but i think it has just run its course we argue all the tme and everything is always my fault.
i am sooo frightened to end the ralationship and be on my own with 3 kids i just don't no how i would do it financially and emotionally 3 kids are hard enough with 2 parents i don't want them to suffer and i just don't know what to do.

[pinkydinkydo]

hey hun ever heard of that 7 year itch you might be getting it now i don't know of any woman who somewhere along the lines haven't thought god i wonder what it would be like if i was still single!!
if you really feel this way then maybe you should sit & talk to your hubby if he loves you he will listen...
as for being frightened about leaving him sure everyone would feel like that if they have been together for as long as you have but i have always said to myself if the relastionship is dead & you can't revive it or your not happy it's time to get out....you would survive you have to your a mum & there is help out there lots of women go it alone these days.

[dottydon]

the thing is he never does listen and never has!
the house is a cluttered mess and it is full of stuff he is mean't to be getting rid of-i have never been a strict house cleaning wife i do what needs to be done and that is it-washing is never ironed and put away it is there and i iron as i need it i always have but he has real issues and thinks i should give up my job as it involves weekends and evenings and stay at home and clean and be housey housey which isn't me-please don't get me wrong i am not a dirty person i hoover and polish and clean but my house is lived in!!
i love my job and i can't give it up and it was him forcing me out to work in the first place as we needed the money.
i am not happy but i want to be i want us to work but i think we might be past that now and i don't no where to go from here

[pinkydinkydo]

i still think you try at least to talk to him even if you think he doesn't listen they usually are & maybe you should tell him excatly how you feel so he knows that if he's not careful he could lose you. tell him straight that your not happy but you want things to work out & if they don't then you will leave him as you can't carry on feeling like you do...it might be hard but you have to take the first step hun if you want to resolve this & like i said if he loves you he will listen even though he might not like what you say but it needs to be said for your own peace of mind at least. i don't like it when ppl say they are only in their mariage for the kids..its a cowards way everyone has choices in their life it's wether you take them & the right one.
may you could suggest some time apart let him see what hes missing & not to take you for granted.or maybe you just need a good big arguement to get things out in the open.

[dottydon]

we will see have emailed him at work and told him we need to talk as i am not happy!!! prob shouldn't have emailed him at work but that way i can't chicken out if i had left it i would not have said anything.
i really do want it to work but i don't know if it will-last sunday we argued and he said harry-my youngest- is a c**t and it is my fault for how he is-i was sooo angry and hurt and uppset i had to getout-harry is a lively little boy who is extra cheeky and defiant because he has learnt from the older two.
i can't live with him when he is so nasty to me and harry

[pinkydinkydo]

no you did the right thing emailing him at work at least he has some idea that you want to talk hun. these things have a habit of sorting themselves out but as for talking to you like he did i would have bitchslapped him right up the ear...!!! chin up hun tell him it hurts when he speaks to you like he does & relationships are for working together & you feel like a single parent. good luck.

[dottydon]

thanks honey
i think he no's i am not happy but he has the habit of turning it around and making me feel bad and being the one to apologise-but not this time. i am not having him talking to me like that and about our youngest like that.

[pinkydinkydo]

good for you keep that in mind when talking...& don't let him turn things around when you know it's not you.

[crazyemma]

i sort of know how you feel,my relationship has always been firey.Some days i cant stand to look at him and other days i think hes not that,and have got to stick with it because of the kids.ive left him no end of times after having an arguement, but always gone back the next day cause i feel guilty as hes already got 2 kids with another women,and try think of life on my own and it scares me to death, i have got family to turn to ,but they didnt want me to be with him in the first place(and i told you so always comes to mind)

[pinkydinkydo]

hun sorry to hear this but like i said to dotty i hate it when ppl say they need to stay for the kids there is so many options out there for ppl men & women... don't take no notice of your family hun it's your life not there's you are the one with your own brain & it's up to you how you use it. sometimes our men take us for granted so they need a swift kick up the arse to remind them of who you are ...a the woman he gell in love with & not just the mother to his kids!!! hope it all works out hun & we all feel like you do sometime or the other in our relationships