i had my twenty week scan which went well it showed i was carrying a girl and i was over the moon.

i carried on at work and at that point i had cleared my debts and starting buying clothes and a nursey suite i had my pram shipped over from swedan. my baby would go without nothing! even if i was paying for it all myself.

at about 27 weeks i had started to get suspicious of john then one morning he went out to work and i found some foil. i left him a letter saying it was over. i couldn\\\\\\\'t deal with it anymore. and my god did it hurt. later that day at work i started violently being sick and was havin excruciating stomach cramps. my boss took me home where i phoned the hospital and my mum, who knew nothing about john\\\\\\\'s problems and that mornings events. i had about a hundred txts on my phone saying he was sorry and could we talk but i was adament!

anyway i was taken in to hospital where i was told i had a really bad infection. i had to stay in as the antibiotics can cause premature labour, my mum phoned john. when he arrived he was in tears for our baby. i let my guard down then! it was the first time he had shown any sign of caring.

so i went home the next day and things with me and john stayed the same i left work when i was 30 weeks. it was the most boring time of my life i hated being stuck at home just waiting. i was so big and uncofortable. in those next weeks i met john\\\\\\\'s mum and step dad who came over from england i had the strangest feeling the didn\\\\\\\'t like me and judged me for getting pregnant. they didn\\\\\\\'t know about john\\\\\\\'s continuing problem. they had in the past but thought it was over! i actually think they were just turning a blind eye. what they didn\\\\\\\'t know couldn\\\\\\\'t hurt them.