the consultant was called and the carried out a test on the baby. drawing blood out the top of her head. my breathing was stable now, the results came back unworringing. theartre was on standby but as i was ten cm he said to carry on!

i do not know where the hell i managed to get my energy from proberbly from the concern on mums face and the support from john but 40 minutes later i pushed my little girl into the world.

but there were no congratulations no baby screaming all i remember is the midwife asking my mum to push the emercency button. about for people running into the room. i had a small glance at her face and there was nothing. no colour. no life! after 5 minutes my little girl was breathing my jessica! i held her for a couple of minutes before they took her away and john followed.

to be honest i felt robbed! i was always told those first few minutes that you hold your baby you feel instant love. well i\\\\\\\'m ashamed to say that i didn\\\\\\\'t. i know that they were saving her life when they took her away but i always feel if they had done something for me sooner they would have been no need for any of that. i suppose i will never know that though.

i remember nothing then until a nurse bought her to me from scbu at stupid o\\\\\\\'clock in the morning but i was that tired i couln\\\\\\\'t wake up properly. i asked how she was, they put her in my arms and asked if i wanted to feed her but not to worry if i couldn\\\\\\\'t as they gave her a bottle. what?
we were kept in for observation for a further 4 days. which i hated but knew i had to. when finally i was allowed home.